Burnerboy Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 HAMMEROriginally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts close to the object we are trying to hit. MECHANIC'S KNIFEUsed to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door. Works particularly well on boxes containing clothing.ELECTRIC HAND DRILLNormally used for spinning rivets in their holes at high speed, but can also be used for drilling oval holes in just the wrong place. PLIERSUsed to round off bolt heads. HACKSAWOne of a family of cutting tools built on the original sin principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes. MOLE GRIPSUsed to round off bolt heads. WHITWORTH SOCKETSOriginally used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they can now be used for rounding off metric nuts and bolts.E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTORA tool that snaps off in bolt holes and is ten times harder than any known drill bit. HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOISTA handy tool for testing the tensile strength of the engine mounts you have forgotten to release. BATTERY ELECTROLYTE TESTERA handy tool for transferring sulphuric acid from a battery to the inside of the battery box. PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVERNormally used to stab the lids of old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; can also be used, as the name implies, to round off Phillips screw heads. PRY BARA tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50p part. HOSE CUTTERA tool used to cut hoses exactly ½ inch too short.STILLSON ADJUSTABLE WRENCHA better tool than mole grips and pliers for quickly and easily rounding off bolt heads. Like all good tools can also be used as a hammer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve Cureton Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 LOL - you forgot to include the electric heat gun that is more often used by mechanics to soften materials to make them more pliable - which usually results in a melted blob. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smithy Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 Most excellent - and I'm doubly pleased to see that my name's not listed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mj17 Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 I'm not sure I agree with the pliers entry. I've always used them as something loosly grip split pins with before hitting yourself in the face with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bob Bowling Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 CIRCLIP PLIERSIdeal for launching important little springy steel clips into impossible to reach places Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
willcolumbine Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 SCREWDRIVERSee 'chisel' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
valencia1 Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 willcolumbine wrote:SCREWDRIVERSee 'chisel'also see....paint stirrers :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bodders1 Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 willcolumbine wrote:SCREWDRIVERSee 'chisel'CHISELSee 'screwdriver' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shedmonkey Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 Bench grinder -used for implanting small rusty bolts into your eye/garage roof Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smithy Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 WD40 Liquid which makes spanners fly off nuts twice as fast, hurting your hand/head/face much more efficiently and painfully.DRILL BITSSpinning rods which over time generate more heat and less hole. Never available in the correct size. HARDENED DRILL BITSShrapnel.HAND DRILLOperates exactly as the name implies.ANGLE GRINDERAmusingly inaccurate device for grinding the wrong angle too deeply and in the wrong place whilst also producing painful sparky bits. Works much the same as HAMMER in respect to causing damage to components near the chosen target. Amusing when dropped.SAFETY GOGGLES Handy wall ornament. Magically invisible when required, easy to locate and stand on otherwise. Should be kept safely out of reach, next to ornamental INSTRUCTION MANUALS or HAYNES MANUALS or any form of literature from a parts supplier. FIRE EXTINGUISHER Must-have accompaniment to safety goggles. Magically empty when required. Painted Red for extra invisibility. SMOKED WELDING GLASSCompletes the H&S set. Must never be used. Breaks when dropped. See "WELDING GEAR".COMPRESSORNoisy garage addendum which makes destroying fasteners easy and much faster. Handy for driving:AIR-TOOLSA louder way to do things wrong more quickly and painfullyand SPRAY EQUIPMENT Inaccurate messy way to apply the wrong colour to the wrong place whilst generating a by-product hideous smell.WELDING GEARHigh-tech method of burning components, flesh and occasionally whole cars. Successfully fastens metals together on a random basis - never neatly or at the correct angle. See "ANGLE GRINDER" for negating it's effects - possibly. Fastest and best way of learning a whole new range of swear words. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.thumb.jpeg.b15b81ef10abeea1c3039ae03c4a9f3a.jpeg)
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.